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national sorry day

WE ARE SORRY: National Apology to Stolen Generations, February 13th, 2008
Parliament House, Canberra, Australia

A collation of responses from the AFN list serv

Hi friends
I have been watching the full proceedings in your Parliament today and feel very moved. I would particularly like to acknowledge all the Australian facilitators who have worked for this day over many years.
Thank you for your commitment, understanding and compassion.
I remember the Maguire's reconciliation display back in Sydney 1999 and all the work that Glen Ochre and many others have/ are doing over many years.
Kevin Rudd (Prime Minister of Australia) referred to the 'removal of a stain from our soul' and as a sister here in New Zealand I feel it lifting for me too.
Love from Dale Hunter

Dr. Dale Hunter
Zenergy, Auckland, NZ

Dale - I would like to support your sentiments, I was one of the many thousands at Federation Square in Melbourne yesterday, it was an incredible event for us there - very moving and uplifting. It was so powerful - in listening to the stories of the indigenous people and the struggle of the stolen generations and their descendants, made the tears flow from indigenous and non indigenous alike. A great day for Australia.

And yes I am reminded of the lessons learnt at the AFN conference from Brendan McKeague - facilitators as purposeful peacemakers - and also your workshop on facilitating social change, which were my two personal highlights - my aspiration is that these principles underpin my practice.
Lindy Amos
Collective Possibilities

Hear! Hear! It's great to feel proud to be Australian again...

Rhonda Chapman
Consultant and Facilitator
International Development Assistance

Yes, Rhonda
May much peacemaking facilitation now build on such a touching event...

John Batros
Lecturer in Human Resource Management & Organisation Studies

Much peacemaking needs to happen.

A Channel 10 survey on Tuesday 12th 2008 (the day before the national apology) had
" 76% of Australians do Not support saying sorry"

Yahoo's survey result on Tuesday 12th,
Should the government say 'sorry'?

20041 votes since Feb 9 2008

Yes 38% 7583 votes

No 62% 12458 votes

Heather Millhouse
Consultant and Facilitator

Indeed. From a facilitation point of view I view this as a case in point for discounting (a model originating from Transactional Analysis):

So, yesterday's critical mass made it harder to the discount the 'existence' of the problem of harm (commonly the first point of defence when something uncomfortable is presented). Kevin Rudd's approach targeted this defense by reaching out across the partisan divide.

Still causing discomfort, we have the option of reaching for defense layer #2. For example, there is notable discounting of the 'extent' of harm (as articulated by Tony Abbott, Liberal politician). So, lots of qualifiers, lots of diluting comments, mixed in with some straw man arguments.

To illustrate the third defense, Warren Truss (Nationals) discounted of the idea that something effective can actually be done. With a draining amount of cynicism we were told that 'tomorrow every child is safe, tomorrow glue sniffing has gone". By positioning himself in the cynical 'but-I-told-you-so" camp there is the safety of "being right" without having to risk showing grace.

Finally, there is the discounting of our own roles. What is within our span of control? What could compensation look like in relation to an effective early intervention program? What may it mean for us urbanites to have more Aboriginal people move to the cities or regional centres?

sincerely,
Hans Tilstra
Curriculum Design & Development Advisor

Hans and others,

Some nice insights.

I appreciate that Brendan Nelson was in a tricky position. However, for me, he demonstrated how the power of an apology can be robbed by any attempt to justify your actions, defend yourself, or provide excuses. This principle was (powerfully) reinforced for me on a facilitation training program in 2006. It was one of those 'aha' moments.

Glyn
Dr Glyn Thomas
Senior Lecturer

Agree Glyn. Amazing how the energy dissipated when he (Brendan Nelson, Leader of the Opposition) slipped into those 'justifying' type statements. Such a shame.

I think Peter Sandman's work on this subject has been a wonderful contribution. Some of you at least may find this short article of his to be relevant to our work and to our nation at this time. His comments about the reluctance to apologise based on internal outrage - 'Battered Organisational Syndrome'.

http://www.psandman.com/col/sorry.htm

I echo the sentiments of many others earlier - it is so wonderful, at last, to feel somewhat proud to be an Australian.

Cheers

Max Hardy
Facilitator

Glyn

A nice point...

I loved Rudd's congruence and felt touched by Nelson's tears after meeting the special guests with Kevin...

"The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones"...

John B

An authentic apology comes when we can acknowledge our actions and how they have impacted others - and together work towards making a difference. Kevin Rudd did this so eloquently, whilst Brendan Nelson got caught into justifying what happened no doubt as his attempt to balance the views of his party and supporters in the process. It... was so disappointing when he was clearly moved by Wednesday's events also.

This is true restorative justice in action and will require each and
everyone of us to work together to make a difference. It certainly feels like more of us will be working together on this from now on in. I certainly feel prouder being an Aussie as a result.

Peta Blood
Co-founder
Restorative Practices International

Reflecting on the conversation about apology, I thought it might be helpful to share the 5A process I learned, mostly from the literature on restorative justice (such as can be sourced www.realjustice.org )and have developed over the years and now teach in management/leadership forums.

The steps, in order that is important to follow:

1. Acknowledge openly, frankly and without excuses, justification,
rationalisation, dilution or discount, the pain, suffering, cost,
disadvantage etc that the person(s) experienced.

2. Apologise. Say sorry..without excuses, justification, rationalisation, dissemblance or discount.

3. Ask - what do we do now? What do you need in order to be able to move on from here? How do we move forward?

4. Amend and/or Make Amends. Agree on a way forward that involves making whatever changes are needed to ensure that the mistakes and wrongs of the past are not repeated.

This order of As, and the 5th A - Authenticity - are critical.
All steps needs to be taken with an authentic commitment to righting and reconciling...no matter how hard or uncomfortable or long the work involved.

Moving ahead with new change prematurely can undo everything in my experience.

Gail Broady
Consulting Director
Corporate Soul Pty. Ltd.

Note: In a later email to the editor Gail wrote:

"- a fuller explanation of the process can be found on
my website if helpful" (www.corporatesoul.com.au - in Articles)

Regards and good wishes
Gail

I'm an Aussie living in Canada and currently working in India.

The apology has had a ton of coverage over here - hurrah! - and it's been a stirring moment. In the coverage I've seen, I've also been struck by the grace in which the apology has been received - also an art in itself.

Warm wishes

Michael Bungay Stanier
Director and facilitator, Box of Crayons, Canada

Hi all and Glyn

Some seminal learnings for me as well as I ( a non-indigenous person) responded viscerally and startlingly differently to the two apologies...

Which then for me triggered the question - to which Glyn has started the thread - of just what is 'an authentic apology' , what makes it work - and allows a forward movement in a relationship ?

Go well
Tom
____________________________________________
Dr. Tom Schwarz,
Kinnogene

Hi All,

Clearly a 'heartfelt' topic.

Maybe no surprise of the timing. The day before Valentines day.

Speaking of 'heart' here's something interesting from the Heart Math institute about the science of the heart:

http://www.heartmath.org/research/science-of-the-heart/index.html

What fascinates me is the proposal and scientific research to support how the heart effects the brain just as much as the brain effects the heart.

Warm regards,
Andrew Rixon
Director, Babel Fish Group

I want to link my thoughts to an earlier post on this topic. I thought the responses from Indigenous people that I saw on TV and witnessed personally were gracious, heartfelt and generous. Yet interviewers kept asking "isn't it too little, too late?". I have heard that asked many times over the past few days and yet each time, each person being interviewed said, no it was great to get the apology and it is never too little or too late, if well
meant.

For me that is the key, the grace bestowed by forgiveness.

Kate.

Kate Dempsey, PhD.
Kate Dempsey & Associates
Organisational Consultancy

Hi all

An apology followed by a 'but' is no apology at all.

"I'm sorry, but I thought I was doing the right thing."

An apology followed by an 'and' allows for moving on.

"I'm sorry, and how can I make it up to you?"

Another example of Yes, but... versus Yes, and...

The most moving comment (among many) that I heard yesterday was:

"I can feel the land breathing a sigh of relief."

Here's to a lot more

Yes, anding....

and

peace-making

Cheers

Viv

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Viv McWaters
Beyond the Edge Pty Ltd

Some more ponderings on Kate's final comment ...

I wonder if apologies occur on different levels of depth.

Depending on your perspective, yesterdays apology came after
centuries of abuse/neglect/misguided policy. In some ways, this made the apology 'bigger,' or more 'weighty' ... it represented a big turnaround. If the receiver of such an apology can discern the sincerity of the apology, maybe they can recognise the heaviness of it... or the 'cost' of it to the offerer. The grace that some of yesterday's recipients showed, as identified by Kate, suggested they seemed to get it. Perhaps that is why the 'lateness' or 'too littleness' ... wasn't an issue for some, because they discerned a strength of sincerity or significant shift in attitude and practice.

Not sure how much this has to do with facilitation, but I suspect the issue of apologising and/or forgiveness is a pretty important topic for facilitators working with groups in conflict, even if we don't use those descriptors. I think the concept and power of 'forgiveness' is really complex, yet also so simple, like any good paradox.

Glyn Thomas

Glyn, Hans and All

I was struck similarly regarding the apology and was profoundly moved by this sincere apology. It was powerful, fully owned with no justification and created an opening to integrate and heal. Harry Palmer describes liberation that comes with this process in an article called the Enlightened Justice Procedure in one of his mini courses on Personal Integrity. It's an excellent read which you can download from
http://www.avatarepc.com/html/mini-eng.html See also the Forgiveness course in the same section along the same topic lines.

Here's to deep connections and new beginnings,

Laurel Freeland
Alchemy Learning

On Wednesday I was in Canberra for SORRY day which was an awesome experience that I will not forget in a hurry.................. but it was last night at Canberra Airport I felt really proud to be Australian. The Airport had an unusual amount of our Indigenous people leaving Canberra after various ceremonies..............many of them wearing white tee shirts that simply said..................... THANKS!
That was moving enough until I noticed something that I have not seen before. They were walking proud and people were smiling at them and looking at them with respect did I feel proud of an Australian Politician Kevin Rudd............ you bet ya !
Let the healing begin
Love
Cheryl Gilroy
People Dynamics Australia

I find this (Cheryl's story) to be the most moving of the many examples I have seen and heard over the last few days, of how momentous an event SORRY day really was. When we have all become accustomed to living in our heads, it's a powerful thing to see a whole nation moved at a visceral level. My congratulations to the Australian people for their reaction. It's a pleasure to be your neighbour.
Alan Campbell, New Zealand

Hi all,

My first email on the AFN list!

Thank you to all those I connected with during the 2007 AFN conference in Adelaide. It truly was a very healing and rewarding conference for me, it allowed me to reflect on my facilitation practice as well as work through the many issues that my two years of working with aboriginal communities in the Northern Territory had raised for me.

Hear! Hear! To the apology. I share the sentiment of feeling good to be Australian again. I attended a small ceremony in the town of Esperance WA - with about 30 of the local aboriginal people, 2 of whom were stolen generation and let their tears flow. My partner and I encountered much of the opposite sentiment amongst the non-indigenous community here though, I was surprised at how many people said "I wish Rudd hadn't done that".

There is still a long way to go....What makes an authentic apology? I think it is one that is just that, authentic!@ Felt from the heart and delivered from that place. Which must be why so many people were touched so deeply. I believe this is one of the things that Ro (Beaumont) was pointing out during our AFN pre-Conference workshop on deep democracy: entering and creating spaces of authenticity and the transformative capacity of those communications.

Josette O'Donnell,
Facilitator

BOOK PREVIEW
Book preview recently announced on the afn list serv by Jill Knell and Michelle Barker:

"CALLING ALL TRANSCENDENTAL FACILITATORS!
"?The Question? Exploring Transcendental Facilitation" is being authored by Jill Knell and Dr Michelle Barker. Jill is an aspiring alchemic facilitator with a passion for spiritual and social intelligence. Michelle is a deep thinker and a strategic sustainability innovator."

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Contributions from facilitators reflecting on their facilitation practice and insights will be reviewed by the authors and it is anticipated that the book will profile a number of facilitators in some detail.

Please contact <michelle@futureinitiatives.com.au>,
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